Thursday, September 13, 2012

Sesame Street Has Changed Me

Having a child has changed me.  Not only do I watch Sesame Street periodically, but sometimes I make my husband watch clips after school that I think HE would like....because I liked them....oh dear.  Sesame Street has changed me.

I swear it's not my fault!  I think Sesame Street has gotten better recently. 

Examples: 
See!  Hubby needs to watch this stuff!  That and the song about "Dads" and the funny faces that babies make when they meet Elmo and....I think I have a problem....

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Cutting Grass

Well, I didn't think I'd have another post so soon about people who suck but as bad luck would have it I do.
 
We have lived in out apartment for 3 years now and I am regularly getting irritated by the rental house next door.  Our apartment  bedrooms line up perfectly with their backyard which turns out to be a mecca of irritation.
 
In the past they always seem to be doing something to their back yard at the most inopportune times.  When I was pregnant they decided to re-sod their yard starting at 7am 6 days a week....a pregnant lady needs her sleep!  Seriously, I just wanted to sleep til 8am but no they would not have it.  Oh, and they did a full in deapth re-sodding with very loud machines and it went on for 2 months.
 
At night the tenents, would leave their flood lights of excessive wattage on all night and it is almost directly pointed at our window.  I swear it wasn't even a motion detector--it was just ON.
 
I know what you're thinking but, no, I really am not irrational with my irritation.  There have also been many, many times that they have had backyard parties late into the night, however, those don't bother me.  (On those nights they always remember to turn off the flood light.)
The latest infraction is one that has been going on regularly for a while but this time they went over then line!  We haven't been home all summer but I swear no one has mowed the lawn in 3 months (making that re-sodding 2 years ago pointless). 

See how narly the unmowed grass is?!
They chose to hire people to tame the montrasity that is now their backyard who chose to get started at 2:30pm in 83 degree heat....during my son's nap and mine--I don't nap everyday during his naps but they chose to do this during the first nap I've taken in months?!  It woke both of us up an hour before naptime would have been over!
 

Double the noise equals half the time to be woken up
I'm not sure why but the stopping and restarting of the lawnmower when emptying the cut grass makes it even more evil and harder to sleep through.  Grrrr beit (pronounced BE-it) yardwork!

Grass Emptying #87
Don't worry, I realize that most of these issues are from the Owner and not the Tenents--no retaliation will insue :(

Although, don't get me started on the time they got a puppy....and left him outside all night....every night....barking.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Seriously? I mean...SERIOUSLY!?

As an MBA wife I have to go to these social events--"they" tell me that these events are good for networking and future job hunting....well I have just one thing to say about that..."THEY" suck!

Do you know who else sucks?  All the skinny MBA wives who plan pool parties!  Seriously.  Both years now I have had to go to these things and it is just ridiculous.  Last year I thought that I could get away with not getting in the pool because I had a 7 month old and no one wants to see that.  The stupid hostess had a freaking 3 week old baby girl AND was wearing a swimsuit (one piece) AND it was freaking WHITE!  Darn her straight to heck but she looked good!  It was ridiculous and I wanted to cry the entire time there, but no, I had to smile and socialize and pretend to be a model wife.  Do you know what the worst part was last year?  The hostess--you know the had-a-baby-3-weeks-ago-brand-new-mommy-wearing-a-white-swimsuit-with-enough-energy-to-plan-a-pool-party-hostess--she was really nice.  I think I hate her. 

This year was not much better, different hostess, but about the same.  I am not really in much better shape and I knew that "I just had a baby 19 months ago" wasn't really gonna cut it but it is all I have!  The rest of my excuse is just trying a bit too hard not to be judged--it's totally legitimate too!  Probably.  I still didn't get in the pool.  And you can't make me do it any time soon.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Crappy Cellphone

So I am sitting here watching my son play with my crappy cell phone that I have withheld from him since he was born so that he would not eat, lick, or break the thing.  First it was cute watching him pretend to have a conversation with someone (probably Daddy since that is who I am usually on the phone with) but also nerve wracking that he might break it and then I started thinking....

"if he breaks it, maybe I can get a new, better, crappy phone!"

....and then....

"oh, better! Maybe if he breaks it people will stop calling me and leaving voicemails, forcing me to sit through the INSANELY long intro message that my "Service" provider insists on attatching to EVERY SINGLE voicemail.  When hanging up and knowing that  I will see them under missed calls and call them back anyway.  Or if that is not preferrable texting me any specifics.  Especially when it requires me to write something down....I can't handle that.  Just text me the address--not directions I have a Garmin for that, her name is Jill."

I know what you are thinking "why don't you just answer the phone when it rings?"  I will tell you why, "Because I frequently and repeatedly misplace the crappy thing!"  Most recently I misplaced it for 3 days (in the car).  Whats more is that on the first day it was missing it occurred to me that it was probably in the car and I had NO desire to go find out for sure (I was already in my pajamas and it was bedtime).  I was confident it was there and that was good enough--I'd check my messages later all at once (the only ones that I had missed were from Hubby telling me he was on his way home from work which I honestly figured out instantly when he walked through the door).

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Psst....This Stays Just Between Us

So, Hubby is going to be irritated that I told you this but I can't resist! 

Last night we were watching a TV show geared towards me so natuarally there were lots of commercials that advertisers thought that I'd be interested in, due to my being female.  Anyway, I guess the commercials were frustrating Hubby so he started complaining about all of them before finally exploding with: "And what is THAT supposed to mean!"  As if I can explain the logic behind a make-up commercial much less a tampon commercial!

I tried to explain this to him but he still believes that I should understand the thought process behind

  1. talking furniture
  2. reality shows about a whole lot of Nannies with no mention of the children they take care of or the families they work for
  3. boys wearing make-up in a face wash commercial
  4. the entire concepts behind any and all tampon commercials and be able to explain them to a man
  5. and especially what make-up initials stand for!

It was around that last one that I had to emphasize that I am not an advertizing executive or a CENS (Chief Executive of Naming Stuff).  Next I think he wants me to explain the inner most thought process of Honey Bear (our almost 20 month old son). 

I guess it is flattering that he thinks I can explain this stuff....except that it is weird stuff which probably means that Hubby thinks I am weird....

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Crappity, Crap, Crap, Crap!

Oh, for the love of chocolate!  This blog sucks!  I would go as far as to say craptastic.  I mean seriously, I thought that I could write an informative and interesting advice blog....so far I think we have both learned that I do not have that ability.  At least not when I am trying to be something that I am not--sophisticated and perfect.

I am completely imperfect and sophistication is only something I pull off well when I am playing dress-up!  To be perfectly honest (the only kind of perfect that I strive to excel at), I like to think of myself as cheeky, oblivious, quirky, facetious (because sarcasm is just mean), and just a touch awkward when it counts.

I am not a Stepford Wife and Mother.  I know it is SUCH a shocker and I do apologize for trying to fool you, it was...boring...yes, that is what I want to apologize for--being boring.  I solemnly vow to never again pretend to be boring!
 
Pinned Image
Good Faith Gesture That I Won't Be Boring Any More
I didn't make that but it is crazy awesome!